


Callum, Hugh and two Mary-Sues

by china_shop



Category: Canadian Actor RPF, Fandom RPF
Genre: Crack, Fic, Llamas, M/M, Mary Sue, Objectification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-29
Updated: 2006-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Callum and Hugh are stretched out lazily in adjacent deck chairs, wearing t-shirts and shorts, both barefoot, both with sunglasses. Hands tangled together loosely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Callum, Hugh and two Mary-Sues

**Author's Note:**

> We had a rather convoluted discussion about pastry!chef!Hugh and sous!chef!Callum making hot cross buns, but I don't think I can turn it into anything postable. Suffice it to say, there was rather a lot of extra virgin olive oil involved. *g* This, though...

**china_shop:** Callum and Hugh are stretched out lazily in adjacent deck chairs, wearing t-shirts and shorts, both barefoot, both with sunglasses. Hands tangled together loosely.

 **mergatrude:** Mmmmmmm. Dief comes up and licks Callum's ears.

 **china_shop:** Callum yelps and shoves him away. "Get lost, Draco. I'm not your lunch."

Hugh chuckles, not even bothering to turn his head to look. They seem to have had a strenuous night. *koff*

 **mergatrude:** Even their coffees have gone cold.

 **china_shop:** Too tired to drink 'em? awwww.

 **mergatrude:** Those boys. *chucks them under the chin*

 **china_shop:** Hugh doesn't look very impressed with that. Callum's too lazy to respond, but he's watching from behind his sunglasses to see what Hugh will do.

Which is, Hugh sits up a bit. "Who the fuck are you?"

 **mergatrude:** Oh dear. I'm so sorry, Mr. Dillon. I mean, you and Mr. Rennie are so cute and hot and I couldn't help myself, really. Sort of like Dief and Mr. Rennie's ears. Those ears are just adorable I'd like to lick them myself. I mean, theoretically. Or something. Yes, I am walking away now. Yes, and I'm not coming back, I swear...

 **china_shop:** EWWWW, IT'S ALL COVERED IN WOLF SPIT!!!

 **mergatrude:** The other one! The other one!

Seriously, you'd let a little thing like wolf spit put you off what may be your only opportunity to lick him?

 **china_shop:** *hides with you behind lifeboat and spies on them*

They link fingers and do that little "buddies" salute. *dies of love*

 **mergatrude:** diesdiesdies omgtheyaresocute!

Hugh is glaring round. I think he heard me squeaking. Whoops!

 **china_shop:** Bwah! I shush you loudly. They exchange glances, but are too shagged to investigate, so they just lie back and relax. Hugh hums "Anything" softly.

 **mergatrude:** I try to muffle my squeeing.

 **china_shop:** I KNOW!!!! We slump back against the outer wall of the ship, weak-kneed with love.

 **mergatrude:** Dief has found us, but we manage to convince him not to give away our position by dint of promising him lots of donuts.

 

[re: the neck-licking]

 **mergatrude:** Anyway, on the cruiseliner wolf spit automatically dissipates within 30 seconds.

 **china_shop:** Oh.

*second thoughts*

*lunges at CKR, shoving Hugh out of the way, and slobbers on him*

*comes to my senses* Oops. How embarrassing.

 **mergatrude:** Okay, I've never seen Hugh look quite that cranky before. I'm not sure if it's at you, or the fact that Callum seems to be encouraging you. *g*

 **china_shop:** Nah, it just looks like encouragement. He's actually fighting me off. I scramble away, worried I've caused trouble in their paradise. Callum's shaking his head. "What's with those chicks?"

"And how come they keep pouncing on you? I mean, I'm cool! I've got charisma! I'm a fucking actor! What's their problem?"

 **mergatrude:** Awwww! Poor Hugh. He's just too scary. *g*

 **china_shop:** Plus he's sitting next to CALLUM. Duh! (But I guess that has its own benefits.)

Callum's teasing him now, about wanting attention from random females. "What's the matter, I'm not enough for you? Haven't I worn you out yet?" His long fingers curl into the soft material of Hugh's faded black t-shirt, and he lowers his voice. "You want me to?"

 **mergatrude:** YIS!

Umm... I may have said that a bit too loudly. *g*

 **china_shop:** I clamp my hand across your mouth, but it's too late.

"That fucking does it," Hugh growls, and clambers to his feet, swaying slightly.

"Dillon." Callum issues a lazy warning, but Hugh's already heading this way, his hands clenched.

Dief crouches beside us, growling softly, and his hackles rise when Hugh comes into view.

"Would you just fuck off and leave us alone?" Hugh tells us.

"We're really sorry," I say. "We just-- you're both so--" I start gibbering. "We can't help it."

You say something, but I've still got my hand over your mouth, so it's just comes out muffled.

"Well, fucking--"

Callum appears at his shoulder. "C'mon," he murmurs in Hugh's ear. "Leave them alone. We've got better things to do."

"Not with them fucking watching."

"Nah," Callum agrees. "Let's go back to the cabin."

Hugh hesitates.

Callum's eyes darken with promise and his hand curls around the top of Hugh's thigh. Hugh shifts his weight, leaning back into him. His gaze flickers to us. "You stay there," he says fiercely.

We nod obediently, our eyes like saucers.

They wander off.

"I don't think Hugh really minds us watching," I say thoughtfully. "He's just cranky about the Callum-licking."

You push my hand away. "Possessive," you agree. "Awwww!"


End file.
